Terms and Conditions for the Year 2021
Last updated: December 31, 2020
Owing to certain disappointments in the way the Year 2020 panned out, we have developed the following Terms and Conditions to guide the operation of the Year 2021 (hereinafter The Year and/or The Service).
These Terms and Conditions are not so much mandatory as absolutely vital to ending The Year sane and able to contemplate 2022.
Please read these terms and conditions carefully before using Our Service.
Interpretation and Definitions
These Terms and Conditions (also referred as "Terms") form the entire agreement between You and The Year.
For the purposes of these Terms and Conditions:
2021 is a prescribed term for The Service covered by this agreement and includes all 365 days of the year of that name, also hereinafter referred to as The Year;
Lockdown is a term that has been expressly forbidden for the duration of the term of this agreement;
Pandemic means the presence of a communicable disease that will not be tolerated during the term of this agreement;
Plandemic is a term associated with ignorance and is expressly discouraged. Users will forfeit Twitter posting rights and are permitted to be identified as ‘figures of fun’ under the Terms;
Mask is a mandatory item of clothing – possibly involving gaudy fabric offcuts - to be worn when unwell or in response to the official urgings of any recognised public health agency, without grizzling;
Vaccine is the term used to describe a public good health treatment that is effective only if applied to entire populations, with the exception of the very young and those with auto-immune deficiencies. By accepting these Terms, you agree to the administration of a Vaccine during The Year when one becomes available;
Anti-vax is a term requiring patience, forbearance and a dollop of pity. It is expressly forbidden to enter into argument with any person or persons exhibiting symptoms of Anti-vax. This is pointless;
Zoom is hereinafter used as a term to denote the sound that a small child makes when imitating the noise made by any kind of automobile. It has no other meaning and its use in other circumstances is not permitted during the term of this agreement;
Venue describes a place of public entertainment that will, for the term of this agreement, remain open;
Gin, and associated beverages, is a ‘permitted substance’ for the purposes of this agreement, particularly in the event of any of the following: community transmission; new strain; Plandemic protests;
Accidental meeting refers to a planned meeting during a period of mandated isolation and is not an amusing thing Boomers do because the rules don’t apply to them;
Epidemiologist refers to someone who knows something about Pandemics;
Armchair Expert refers to everyone else;
Social distancing returns to its previously understood meaning as a tactic employed at family and workplace events to avoid unwanted, vexatious or troubling conversations;
Job refers to what you will be more likely to have if efforts to hold any virus at bay are successful. There will be more Jobs, the more successfully The Year avoids Community Transmission;
Community Transmission should mean no more than a radio or television broadcast in 2021. If it means more than that, this Agreement is voided under the Terms of this Service.
The Service refers to living in the Year 2021;
Your access to and use of The Year is conditional on Your acceptance that there will be no covid-19 or other coronavirus outbreak during The Year and that you will take all reasonable steps to ensure that this is the case.
By accessing or using The Year, You agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions. If You disagree with any part of these Terms and Conditions or are doubtful as to the wisdom of a covid-free 2021, then You may not access the Service.
Your access to and use of The Year is also conditioned on Your acceptance of and compliance with Vaccine and Mask Policies. Please refer to previous references to “no grizzling”.
We may terminate or suspend Your access immediately, should The Year fail to live up to the expectations outlined.
Upon termination, Your right to go to shops and the movies will cease immediately, along with all smugness privileges.
Limitation of Liability
Notwithstanding any damages that You might incur, the entire liability of The Year and its Participants shall be limited to the extent of your personal effort not to be complacent, foolish, or to breathe on anyone while sniffly.
"AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE" Disclaimer
Notwithstanding any implied warranty elsewhere in this agreement, The Year is provided to You "AS IS" and "AS AVAILABLE" and with all faults and defects without warranty of any kind.
The laws of Commonsense, Goodwill and Respect for Science shall govern these Terms and Your use of the Service.
If You have any concern or dispute about the Service, You may wish to be cryogenically preserved in anticipation of 2022, or to nail all doors and windows of your Home shut following the purchase of sufficient Rations to last for the term of this Agreement.
For European Union (EU) Users
If You are a European Union consumer, You will benefit from any mandatory provisions of the law of the country in which You are resident in and are permitted to find the UK’s stance both amusing and profoundly irritating.
United States Legal Compliance
You represent and warrant that after the January 20 inauguration of the newly elected President, You will stop talking about 'The Steal' and linking said alleged “Steal” to activities intended to prevent the ongoing spread of the Pandemic.
Severability and Waiver
If any provision of these Terms is held to be unenforceable or invalid, that would be very unfortunate.
Except as provided herein, a failure under these Terms shall not affect a party's ability to sigh heavily, don a Mask, and find a Testing Station.
Changes to These Terms and Conditions
We reserve the right, at Our sole discretion, to insist that these Terms be complied with, on the basis that really, another year like 2020 would really be very testing for everybody.